my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
