it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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