Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
