my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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