so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
