Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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