Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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