my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
