The maid of honor just puked.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
