yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
