If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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