i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
