Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
