We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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