we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
