Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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