Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
