Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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