I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
