you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
