Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
