and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize