just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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