I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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