I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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