we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
