my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
