My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
