I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
