Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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