there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
