You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize