A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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