Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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