alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
NoShamevember. You game?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
