i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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