Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
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