If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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