covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
