I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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