I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
