i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
