I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
