i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
