I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
