what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
