it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
