Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
