I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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