some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize