I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I forget how to act sober
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
