the condom got lost in my hair
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
