so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
