very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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