i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
