Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
