420 ftw
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
