You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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