Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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