my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
