people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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