imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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