you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
