Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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