Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can you bring me the toilet please
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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