don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
is that a dick in a sweater?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
