That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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