my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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