fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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