Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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