Her vagina should come with caution tape.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
