there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
