The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
