I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
