I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
