All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
