proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
