I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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