I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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