if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
